Whenall the above don’t work, consider mediation. Sometimesthe other person is recalcitrant and does not seem even interested inworking out a win-win solution to the problem. If you find that thisis happening and that you’re getting more and more angry at how theother person is responding, stop and ask yourself, “What’sgoing on here? Do I feel like I’m losing and the other person iswinning?” If so, check this out with the other person by sayingsomething like, “I started this conversation with a win-winattitude.
Now I feel like we’re in a you-win-I-lose situation. Areyou willing to go back with me to a win-win effort?” If the otherperson is willing, proceed. If not, it may be time to seek the helpof an impartial third party. Manyirate people will ventilate on the first person they speak with, butcalm down as soon as a second person comes on the scene. So, as alast resort, look for someone else to help.Threeadditional strategies may help handle others’ anger: Usethe person’s name.
This will help you get the angry person’s attention. Slowdown your speech, and lower your voice.When someone is very angry, his or her speech will usually be veryrapid and loud. Slowing down your own rate of speech and loweringyour voice may lead the angry person to a more reasonable pitch andmodulation.
Sitdown.Sitting makes you less intimidating. It also slows an angry person’srapid thoughts and words. Ask the angry person to take a seat besideyou as you discuss the problem.
Sitting next to a person (versusacross from them) is a more supportive position. Onelast wordon dealing with angry people: Even though you may have done your partcorrectly, you cannot control the response of the other person. So,even if you are not able to totally calm an angry person, as long asyou stay in control of yourself, you can know that you did it well.