The exhilaration of a new romance can turn even the most level headed
person light-headed and giddy. Quiet often we are all wrapped up in the
excitement of a new relationship, that we ignore the Relationship Red Flags and
it can happen to anyone. Relationship Red Flags serve as a warning that this
relationship is not right for you and that you need to consider your options to
end the relationship. While it’s tempting to make excuses for their bad
behaviour and ignore these red flags. You will eventually fall into the trap of
trying to make a doomed or worse and abusive relationship work. Life is
too short and precious to share it with someone who belittles you, disrespects you;
or only values you for sex, your appearance or your ability to earn money. While this is not a fully comprehensive
list, below are five major relationship red flags that everyone needs to be
1. Quick to Anger
Yes, everyone does get angry at some point. Consider what is the
frequency and ruthlessness of your partners reactions? Are they using anger to
control or manipulate a situation? Is anger being used instil fear onto another
person? Using anger to create fear is a form of intimidation and control, which
will take away your voice in the relationship.
2. Secretive or lying
Honestly is essential for all healthy relationship to flourish. Being private
and being secretive are two different things. Typically a private person will
enjoy time alone, where as a secretive person will attempt to keep you
compartmentalised from certain areas of their life. When asked, a secretive
person will shut down or refuse to share aspects of their life. If your partner
is unwilling to communicate some of the lacklustre details of their life with
you. How will you be able to connect on a more intimate level? You will be
always left questioning what are they hiding? Emotional intimacy in a relationship
is knowing the details about your partner.
3. Possessive behaviour
Asking questions like How was your day? Can feel normal and harmless. However
when these questions become more invasive such as; Who were you with? What time
did you arrive at the café? When did you leave the café? Is a red flag for
overly possessive behaviour. Especially if these are coupled with a
over-commitment to knowing your whereabouts.
Unfortunately this is often misinterpreted as them caring for you. It’s
not, they are disrespecting your boundaries.
Checking up on you when they know you are at work, the persistent calls
or text messages or even showing up unexpectedly wherever you are, is
harassment designed for them to gain control in the relationship. Leaving you isolated from your friends and
family. Leaving you with no one to turn
to when the relationship goes sour.
4. Doesn’t say “I’m Sorry”
This may sound like no biggie, but
the inability to say “I’m Sorry”
when at fault does have far-reaching consequences. Refusing to apologise and be
held accountable is a red flag for the perception of inequality within your
relationship. Inequality is either a projection of superiority, where they are
not responsible for any of the wrong doings. Or it can stem from a deep seeded
feeling of inadequacy. By saying I’m sorry would expose them being vulnerable,
leaving them open to criticism or rejection. A healthy relationship has both
partners being held responsible for their actions and being able to openly talk
about how their actions affected them.
5. Gut Feelings
It’s different for everybody, but it may feel like a funny tingle, or
that uneasy feeling that something isn’t right. Our bellies do more than just
process the food we eat. Our digestive
system is made up of a extensive network of neurons, that has been nicknamed
our “second brain”. Scientists are beginning to discover that part
of our emotions are influenced by the nerves in our gut. Intuition is a real thing, and we all have it.
Whether your relationship has any
of these red flags or not, remember that you deserve to be happy more days than
sad and it’s better to be single than to be hurt. Ask for help if you need it.